Have you ever had a life experience where all of the dark moments of your life come together in one single life episode? You are faced with the darkness of the fears that you keep locked up and hidden. That one action/ reaction that transpired in the distant time period of your life becomes the hidden, focal point of your life thereafter. Every chapter in your life carries this fine thread through it. It is like a rolling ball of clay that began it’s descent from the top of the mountain stream. As it gathers momentum, sticks and small stones cling to it. It grows larger and larger as it rolls and tumbles through the river bed. Finally to come to a halt when the original little ball of clay has gotten laden with the weight of all that has now attached to it.
You hide this original darkness in the deepest part of your consciousness. The fear of unleashing the dragon has the potential for destruction on all fronts of your existence. You may not be aware to the extent of how deep you hide this darkness. Maintaining the lock and key becomes a creative process that conditions many life experiences. We justify it by saying this is who I am; this is my lot in life and better to accept it. We throw ourselves into relationships, be it work, marriage, children, friendships, life experiences that on some level may validate your worthiness but in the moments that you are alone with yourself, your deep pain reveals itself. The pain, hurt and utter disappointment of how certain aspects of the way life turned out can leave one petrified and immobilized.
The spiritual intellects will give their patronizing input, this is your karma. The religions will say it is your fault as you have not handed your life over to this higher power that removes all sins. The new agers will answer by saying you are your thoughts and therefore change these thoughts and life will come up smelling like roses, others will say this is your lot, you deserve it. Everyone has something to say, but no true answer is given. The truth is, we do not know why some have it easier than others. Why things happened to some people at an age where they should have been protected. Why have some people so much and others so little.
As an outsider we believe we must provide an answer to another’s conflict and turmoil. We give an answer, from the place that we hold our own belief systems, our own life experiences. We can never know a person’s true position in their life journey for they will only reveal what they feel is safe to share. If we could trust that our presence of strength and non-judgement is what is required. It is from this place that you provide a space for the other to drop their weakness and judgement of themselves, even if it is for a brief moment. It is in this moment when through the darkness, a glimmer of light shines through. This beam of light shines on that part of the beautiful soul that longs to be free, joyous and express the magnificence of who they truly are.
In this moment of realization of what truly lies within, hope ignites the inner flame. The art of the following part of the journey is holding onto the glimmer of light and expanding it. How does one do this when life has not provided the platform of emotional intelligence from the offset? So we turn to the external world for help. Someone, somewhere appears to have it more together than ourselves. It can take us down a multitude of life options. Do we continue to run from one drug to the next be it the; alcohol, the nicotine, pharmaceutical or recreational drugs, the never ending stream of self-help books ; the variety of therapists that are available for every mental, emotional and physical malaise; the guru, be it a spiritual guru, a food guru, a business guru, a self-help guru; one doctor to the next; one relationship to the next…. the continual life run, looking, searching hoping to find it out there.
When is enough, enough?
Is it when we stop trying to explain, justify, and intellectualize it all? Can we find a moment to simply stop? Can we ask the question and be still long enough to listen to what is truly going on inside of ourselves? Do we want to find out? Or is it the game that keeps the justification alive, that motivates keeping the pain locked away but strangely apparent for all to see. Whilst we think we hide this pain, our life expression expresses the inner in every action, reaction we make. That is the paradox. When is enough, enough?
That moment when you finally pause, lift your eyes to the sky above. See the great ball of fire- the sun, shine ever so bright. Each ray shines down on earth bathing everything it touches in the warmth and potential of life that it holds. Let the light shine into the darkness within, softening it. All that you can ask of yourself is to soften into yourself. It is in the softening process that the art of allowing begins. Allowing yourself the trust of who you are, not what you thought yourself to be.